A Wonderful Dream

Everything's back to Origin. I guess I should tell everything here.

Ever since June, the reason why I did not, totally, update my Blog is because I was engaged in a relationship.  I've been busy dating, coping with my studies, having part-time job. Everything was thought to be perfect, with a handsome guy came approaching me in the Scuba Diving Club, then we went to Mori Cafe with him fetching me with his own car, then we had a whole midnight chat in the car, then he made me Crysanthemum tea when the haze was engulfing the city... It all fell apart after four months of relationship although his mother, friends, diving couch, gym couch... love me so much. 

I was committed. I thought he was committed. 

But he wasn't at all ready to bear the responsibility, when he knew I was way too serious. I care every word he said, my BF definitely cannot flirt with any girls, I dislike any girls to touch my man, and all sort of girly-jelly stuff. I asked him not to sweet talk too much with girls, and he said it's his way to be polite with girls and he thought I was trying to change him. If to change you into a good person, why not good about it? Not only that. When I went to his house and visited his family, I thought it was a sign of commitment and it showed how serious a man is to be in this relationship since he brought me to meet his family. We had a family lunch together at a very grand hotel restaurant. The mother bought me a lot of stuff in the Pasar Pagi and when all other aunties asked her who I am and she just easily said "she's my daughter." Simply melted my heart away. I was ready for the family, I cared about his mother, and right now we're still contacting, I care about his family, I do not (at all) mind his background. 

I admit, we're very different. They said, unless a guy is willing to change for you, if not, a couple with different levels and status are hardly compatible. In terms of academic performance, mine definitely beats him; in terms of socializing, I definitely am better, and not to brag, I have the charm which may, indirectly, threaten him, making him insecure and losing faith. I'm studying Law which other students who are not studying Law think that it's the most arrogant and big course for someone to handle. They always think that Law students are smart, genius, proficient in English, blablabla. Although I'm a Law student, let me tell you, not all of us are the same. Not all Law students got Band 4 or 5 or even...6, and most of them got Band 3. Not all of us are smart, some may look smart, inside, they're just empty. Back to topic, so, he is a good guy, he got what it takes to be a boyfriend, but, he's not ready at all.

He's my first love. I miss him so much. But, missing is just a part of growing up, it doesn't mean that when you miss him you want him to come back to your life. I dunno, I just miss him, though I know he may not be missing me. May be he's fast in recovering, and moving on. Well, I thought I'm, 

but I'm not.   

When we're apart, I was one word: miserable. I realized, I'm not emotionally independent at all. All the while I've been emotionally relying on him. I can settle my 3 meals, I can settle my transportation, I can do something without his help which unlike some girls who rely too much on their BF, I don't. Why should I rely so much on him when I knew I can do it myself? May be some girls love to have their BFs participated in their social life... although I would love to, I'm not entirely want to. In some ways, I didn't involve him completely, in FB, I didn't tag him or upload our picture there or publicize it or what. I did not. I will, when I think it's stable. I was and I am right, That we're unstable. I thought our relationship was stable but it was a mere hallucination.

I thought it's a Cinderella love story. I was just imagining :)

How are you? I know you're doing fine there, well, I'm fine too. Just missing you, that's all. No more love, it's so unreal and beyond my conscious that I never realized I was once in a relationship. Thanks for the wonderful experience. It was a dream. The only thing that the Prince should be more confident and mature. 

Everything's back to Origin. I'm back Blogger! Sorry for abandoning you! I know what's important to me now :)

In black and white.