Half an hour ago, Christmas had just ended. I'm feeling all guilty, my guiltiness has engulfed and eaten me up from inside out. I did not prepare a proper Christmas gift for our gift-exchange session with my housemates. I've told my sis that I wouldn't want to join since I did not prepare for it, but... she's got a spare gift which is a Moustache necklace, made in Korean, one look I guessed my elder sis bought it online. I shouldn't join the session, for me, the necklace is like.... cheaper and smaller-in-size compare with others'.
I know, I did not mean that people are materialistic or what. We girls are always attracted by cover and look, trust me, and then... others presents were bigger in size, and theirs looked very much 'expensive'. But, in terms of quality, I thought all were... I dunno whether I'm mean or what :( But, I've been surrounding myself with safe products, the lotions and body scrub they received are not safe, trust me. I've read a lot of articles on the beauty products, the three of the Top 4 skin care products in the World (Estee Lauder, Lancome, Clinique) contained high amount of mercury, not to say X brand products, which mean others which are not in the Top 4 are even more dangerous. I received two lotions, but I can't use it for my own safety.
They said, it isn't of any better for a person who knows too much. I did not mean that I know too much, but certainly, my knowledge in certain area is wider compare with others who do not constantly expose themselves to beauty or nutrition knowledge, I've attended quite a number of talk regarding Nutrition and Beauty, so... I guessed I'm too sensitive, in a way that I'm too aware and cautious with what I'm using.
Oh gosh... I'm really sorry to my housemate. I did not prepare well, that's my fault. I feel extremely awful, I feel ashamed to face her, for picking up my gift during gift-exchange, how I wish my sis had picked mine during the lucky draw. It's extremely awkward, especially the girls were excited when unwrapping their gifts, certainly, my necklace isn't the happiest gift for anyone, with the cheap-looking wrapping. Don't tell me you aren't attracted by something's cover?
I shouldn't have joined :( My housemate who picked my present was tentatively well-prepared for tonight's Christmas celebration, she bought Hello Kitty's cups, and the girl who got her present was all surprised and extremely delighted to receive it because she's one big Hello Kitty's fans. I know she prepared well, and she did not deserve to receive an unprepared present.
This post is slightly sensitive. Sorry if my words are too heavy or the meaning inside offended you or what :( I'm trying to express my feeling here, because right now, they're still chit-chatting outside, whereas I'm still digging a rabbit's hole to hide myself from all the silly decision made and unprepared mode. I shouldn't have joined. Realistically.
Then I promised myself to buy another one and put it on her bedside next week. To compensate all my guiltiness. It's a matter of reputation, but not entirely, because the feeling matters. The moment she opened up the wrapper, I know.... I can sense that she didn't at all happy as she's not excited. One good move to see whether the girl is happy with your present is by observing her expression, normally girls will be very excited over something that she likes, but she didn't. I'm very sorry! I'm all guilty and shameful.
I don't feel like talking with anybody nowadays, I feel like we've fallen apart, so wide, so unconsciously unrelated. Because I've chosen a path not majority of people will choose. I'm looking for friends who have the same direction with me, talk dreams with me and be successful together. Are you?
I'm tired of thinking.
I guess this is part of Libra. Signing off.
No comments:
Post a Comment