I said I won't do it, but I'm still keeping my eyes on him. I can't control it, I know it's my eyeballs but it's out of my control at the moment.
Sometimes, I feel like I don't respect myself. I promised myself not to do something yet I do it. Sometimes, I even forget to ask for my own opinion first before I decide, it's like following what my friends say. I forget to listen to my voice. Every time when the light bulb above my head ignites, then only I realised I do something not following my own hearts, for others' pleasure but not to my own pleasure. After that, I feel terrible. Then I started to regret. It follows that I ruin my day. And the cycle repeats.
Every morning, I have to worry about newspapers. I have to check whether the newspapers are already on the library table or not (but I have faith in my friend, Christie); and I have to make sure they distribute the newspapers, all this and that. It's a huge responsibility. I forgot to distribute newspaper to Puan Laurette, my MATHS teacher, and she looked a little bit disappointed with me for I didn't do my part well. In fact, I was reluctant to put the newspaper nicely in front of her office door because sometimes the library door is closed and her office is in the library. It's my fault. That's why I'm very.... I doubt my leadership now.
I'm scared and I'm so scared to be ignored. I know I ignore him at the first place, but a real man shouldn't care about this right? I know he doesn't care or doesn't even notice something minor and trivial like this, but I care about every detail, every action, every movement.
Well, study hard. Cheerio.
Sometimes, I feel like I don't respect myself. I promised myself not to do something yet I do it. Sometimes, I even forget to ask for my own opinion first before I decide, it's like following what my friends say. I forget to listen to my voice. Every time when the light bulb above my head ignites, then only I realised I do something not following my own hearts, for others' pleasure but not to my own pleasure. After that, I feel terrible. Then I started to regret. It follows that I ruin my day. And the cycle repeats.
Every morning, I have to worry about newspapers. I have to check whether the newspapers are already on the library table or not (but I have faith in my friend, Christie); and I have to make sure they distribute the newspapers, all this and that. It's a huge responsibility. I forgot to distribute newspaper to Puan Laurette, my MATHS teacher, and she looked a little bit disappointed with me for I didn't do my part well. In fact, I was reluctant to put the newspaper nicely in front of her office door because sometimes the library door is closed and her office is in the library. It's my fault. That's why I'm very.... I doubt my leadership now.
I'm scared and I'm so scared to be ignored. I know I ignore him at the first place, but a real man shouldn't care about this right? I know he doesn't care or doesn't even notice something minor and trivial like this, but I care about every detail, every action, every movement.
Well, study hard. Cheerio.
2 comments:
Shan, just do your best... A person cannot be perfect, everyone has flaws. So, don't doubt yourself. XD
Jac! You're here!
I felt terrible, blogging is my only way to share my feelings, thanks for dropping by ;) Nothing is flawless, ya right :)
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